Day 9 - Yogachittavrttinirodhah

"People who do not occasionally fall on their faces are not growing" - Judith Hanson Lasater, in A Year of Living Your Yoga

This daily wisdom for today would have applied more on Wednesday, when I went ice skating without insurance on my teeth. Nevertheless, it was fitting for this Saturday when I played soccer.

I usually pride myself in my endurance, and because I usually play midfield, I get to run the whole length of the field for 90 minutes. Today, I was feeling more sluggish than usual, once again confirming to myself that my body was in dire need of some serious R&R.

I played midfield, as always, but I ran back to play defense a lot because my defender always seemed to drift to the center. Then, in one instance, this bastard from the other team scored, and I felt personally responsible, because I was only a couple feet away from him. I blamed my teammate for a brief second, but I told myself, "No Blaming". What I really meant was, No Blaming Others. But Blaming Self is okay.

During the game, I tried hard to shake off that one split mini second when if I had just been in front of him, he wouldn't have been able to score. I wonder how many defenders carry this burden out there? I was a candidate heroine for that U2's song: Stuck In A Moment.

I once read somewhere that Olympic athletes, in addition to intensely practicing their sports, also practice meditation and the hone ability to focus on one thing and block everything out. In Yoga this is called living in the moment. In Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, yoga is:

Yogachittavrttinirodhah
Yoga (union), chitta (mind), vrtti (activity), nirodhah (complete absorption).
"Yoga is the ability to direct the mind exclusively toward an object, and to sustain that direction without any distractions."

I really like this explanation of what yoga is, and I think distractions not only include what's going on around you, but what went on in the past, and what you think will go on in the future.

I found this one article in Yoga Journal with really great advice and insights on teaching to athletes.

"An athlete needs to feel successful," she says. "They can't feel humiliated, embarrassed, or like they're the worst one in class." She suggests Bakasana (Crane Pose), which allows athletes to feel successful. Utkatasana (Chair Pose) or a carefully executed Adho Mukha Vrksasana (Handstand) at the wall can also play to athletes' strengths. Such affirming work in strength-specific poses salves the ego and helps students handle the flexibility poses that are more challenging for athletic bodies.

I find it awesome that there is so much ego in the world of competitive sports, and yet, something that's meant to pacify the ego like yoga is such a great compliment to any athletic endeavor.

Day 5 - When One Door Closes

So I have this teacher, Amber, who taught regularly at the Sanctuary in Redmond on Tuesday and Thursday nights, and I would go religiously. But she's currently pregnant and just about to pop one out, so she's taking some time off.

Ever since she left, my usual Tues/Thurs practice has been lackluster. I rationalize for the fact that the other teachers are just not as good as she is. Their flows don't make as much sense. Their explanations shorter, and their presence just not as big.

So today I went and took my first Tuesday Class Without Amber. The teacher, Larissa, was fun. She had a great sense of humor, and I was really glad I went. Her style is different from Amber's, but I am okay with that. I even feel grateful to experience both of their styles.

I forgot my yoga pants. I had grabbed a shirt of the same color thinking I was grabbing my pants. So I did yoga in my designer office black pants instead. Thank god I didn't wear a skirt today.

I came home and found out that I had misunderstood a text message my boyfriend sent earlier. He wasn't coming to see me like I thought. I broke down. It wasn't really that big of a deal, and he had a very good excuse....err... reason. I had just been thinking about seeing him all day so much that it just felt like a real big let down.

Then I got to thinking about my yoga classes, and how I had set up the bar, the expectation for them to be just like Amber's, so I didn't give other teachers a chance, really. My boyfriend called, I am not mad at you, I said, I am mad at my expectations.

Day 1 - Twenty Nine Days Start Today

I took the 4:30 class, which I barely missed because I barely missed my bus. In class, I found that *dude* next to me, the one who's always acting like he's so much better than the rest of us. I kept reminding myself, "do not be offended, do not be offended". I had read this from the "Last Words" section in the January issue of Seattle Conscious Choice. It was a poem from Aaron Silverberg titled "Resolution"

Forget diets
forget grandiose pilgrimages
forget tantric sex and
the bliss navel of the Universe.
See how long you can go
without being offended.

As if to test how long I can go without being offended, the Universe put this guy next to me. It is not that I had any proof he was a total showoff. It was just a feeling I had. It was my perception. Or maybe it was my projection? I would see him looking over at me, and even if I wasn't looking, I knew he was looking at my poses and posture, as if checking to see if he was doing better.

Then, towards the end of class, in one pose where our eyes met, he smiled at me, a really big hearted and generous smile, and my heart melted. All my walls came tumbling down. After class, he told me that he thought my poses were awesome to check out. I smiled back, not the "Oh I'm so great" smile, but the "Thank you, I'm grateful" smile. That was the best yoga pose I did that day, and I didn't even have to do a Chaturanga Dandasana.

Currently I'm burning up feverishly. The yoga felt deceivingly fabulous. I did feel like I had more energy afterwards, but I admit I felt asleep during savasana. The remnants of January are starting to weigh down on me.